What I learned about communication

This week I evaluated myself on different forms of communication and listening skills.  The 3 different evaluations that I look were on my communication anxiety, verbal aggressiveness and listening skills.  I also had a colleague, that I have worked with in the past, evaluate me on each of these areas.  It was definitely a learning experience and I feel as though I have a better understanding of my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to my communication skills and styles.

When I evaluated myself I found a few things.  First, I think in some areas I was too hard on myself.  I did not think this until I received the results from my former colleague.  She was definitely easier on me but understandably so.  She was still honest, just not so harsh.  I think we are always harsher on ourselves.  Second, I learned that I also was too easy on myself in certain areas.  I was actually surprised that my verbal skills score put me into group 1 because I know that I need to be a better listener.  I honestly went back and took the test again and read the questions more carefully.  the second time I took it, I was in group 3.  I do not feel I am being too hard on myself at this point.  I know that listening is a weakness for me and I have learned so many things just in the past 4 weeks that I need to better about myself.  Lastly, I learned that overall, communication is a strong point for me.  I really like to speak with people, learn from people and help people by teaching them.

As I mentioned above, I was super surprised about the results of my listening skills.  I was not surprised that overall I am a solid communicator.  What I learned the most this week is that my passion for wanting to become a trainer for teachers and pre-service teachers is validated.  I am not afraid to speak in front of people and I am very confident when I do.  I want to be able to share my skills, passion, and knowledge to teach others.  I was disappointed that I was unable to obtain a second person to evaluate me.  I tried, but was unable to get the evaluations back in a timely fashion.

Communication based on Cultural Groups

The question at hand- do I feel that I communicate differently depending on the group of people that I am with?  I think that everyone at some point in their life does this.  To me it is something that most people either do unconsciously or consciously.

Some of the times that I find myself adjusting my communication based on the people I am with is with my girl friends.  I am a mom of 3 kids, a wife, a stay home and only work per diem, I am very busy and do not get out much.  When I am with my best girl friends, I definitely communicate in a way that I would never communicate at home or when I am working part time as a substitute teacher.  I have a few really good friends that are African American who are always trying to change the way we talk when we are with them, in a funny way!  We all grew up together and my one really good friend, Sharessa, always says she wants to convert me 🙂  We have a really special bond and people tell her she acts “white” around me and vice versa.  We have been friends for so long. we have picked up on different things from each others cultures, like the way we talk, dress, or act.

When I am working as a substitute teacher at my kids school, I find myself adjusting my communication numerous times through out the day.  First, I communicate one way with the children yet when I see some of my own kids or their very good friends, I may change it up a little.  Then I talk with the teacher’s in the teachers lounge as a colleague in a more informal way.  However, I find if I end up eating lunch with my children’s teachers, I become a little more formal and professional because now I am “mom” and teacher.  It can be quit the ordeal to play mom and teacher at one place.

When I am at church and with our church friends, we speak more calmly, about religion, and it is always a very positive and calming environment.  Although I still see many of the children I teach, the teachers I work with, and my children’s friends;. it is church so the communication just is different.

Communication Skills and Styles

I am not a huge television watcher so I explained this assignment to my rather intelligent 12 year old son and he told me to watch “The Middle”.  He explained to me that they were a pretty typical family like ours- crazy! LOL. I wasn’t sure how to take that.  Then I watched it muted and un-muted and laughed.  I wouldn’t say that we are quite that crazy, haha but we certainly are busy like they are!

Would I observed from the muted viewing was that they communicate with each other with a lot of emotion. I could easily see when someone was mad, upset or frustrated with another person in the family.  I could tell when the mom was going crazy when she was talking to the kids as her arms were flying through the air and her head was going! It was very interesting and kind of comical watching it.  The one girl in the show was having a conversation with a friend of hers and they were laughing and then they had looks of confusion on their faces.  Not really sure what was going on there.  Most of the communication was easy to figure out due to the emotional stance that they placed on their communication such has body language, facial expressions and other things.  They seemed happy yet frustrated with each other at times, playful yet annoyed.  The families seem sometimes.

When I watched the episode with sound, it was even funnier. Most of my assumptions were pretty spot on.  At one point the mom was yelling at the boys for not cleaning up after themselves and that was the point when she was talking to the kids with her arms flying around and her head was going.  The one part in which the girls were laughing together and then had a look of confusion on there face was interesting.  They were laughing but it was more of a nervous laugh because they had gotten caught doing something that they were not suppose to be doing.  So it was a completely different perspective than what I was thinking when it was silent.

I think my assumptions would have been a little different if I new the show better because I would be more familiar with the characters and the roles they play.  Although most of my assumptions were correct, I think I would have had more correct.  I think that this assignment helps me to better understand nonverbal and verbal communication and how know someone can change your perspectives on communication.

Effective Communication

Someone that I know that exhibits very effective communication skills is the principal at my children’s school.  She is very conscientious when she speaks with the children, their families as well as the teachers at the school.  I have been fortunate and unfortunate enough to deal with her on a regular basis because 1. my daughter has some special needs so she has had her share of visits to her office and 2. I am a substitute teacher at the school so I get to deal with her on a more positive side.

When she is dealing with a child that is having some issues, she always asks them what and how they are feeling.  I find this to be very critical when talking with a child who is having a difficult time expressing their emotions. It is a very effective way of communicating.  She also listens to them very carefully so that she can validate their thoughts and feelings when they are done talking.  She repeats what they have said and confirms their thoughts.

When having conversations with parents she always makes sure to ask them what their thoughts are first before she speaks and gives her professional opinions.  I think this is very critical to communication with parents because she is letting the parents know that this is their child, they are the experts and they have a say in what is happening.  She always respects the parents thoughts and opinions.

I would definitely want to model her behaviors when it comes to communication.  She is responsive, uses respectful body language and eye contact.  She ask questions, lets others voice their own opinions and concerns, and always restates the thoughts of others to make sure that she is understanding them correctly.  She is definitely a strong role model for how communication should occur when dealing with young children and their families.